Ooh! Ooh! Take a holistic diagnosis quiz!

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Ready for a mini-lesson on Ayurveda? Please bear in mind that I am not an Ayurvedic physician, and if one were to read this, he or she might admonish me for simplifying a scientific healing system that is so complex. Ayurveda, which means “The Science of Life,” requires a very complex ability to read and understand subtleties within the body, and no two people are alike. There are 3 Doshas, or body types, which include the physical body, emotional body, temperament, general attitude, and energy levels, among other things. The 3 types are Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. Vata is associated with the air element, Pitta is associated with the fire element, and Kapha is associated with the water element. Everyone has all of these present, but there will be one or two that will predominate in your make-up.

Allow me to put it all in laymans terms:

Vata is thin, moves fast, talks fast, indecisive, creative, energetic, adaptable, and anxious and panicy when out of balance. Common illnesses developed from out-of-balance Vata are osteoporosis, insomnia, and tinnitus. Whenever I think of Vata disorder, I think of this woman with the anxiety problem: If you don’t have video, it’s the scene from Airplane! where the woman goes into a panic attack and everyone’s standing in line for a chance to slap her. It only goes to show that if you’re Vata imbalanced you get on everyone’s last damn nerve. *AIR*

Pitta is sharp, critical, determined, independent, courageous, opinionated, and angry and agitated when out of balance. Common illnesses that can stem from aggravated Pitta are acne, heartburn, and ulcers. Here’s my favorite Pitta movie character: If you don’t have video, it’s Michael Douglas from Falling Down going off on a construction worker for shutting down a road when there’s nothing wrong with it. Um, should I feel ashamed for relating to this guy? (Well, relating to him minus the gun.) The whole system of road construction is just wrong and stupid, right? I mean, I see this all the time with roads completely closed off and NO ONE IS THERE WORKING ON IT. WHY WOULD YOU CLOSE DOWN A ROAD IF YOU’RE NOT READY TO START WORKING ON IT?? AND THROW OFF EVERYONE’S ENTIRE DAY SITTING IN TRAFFIC???? Ahem. (deep breathe) I digress. *FIRE*

Kapha is heavy, walks slow, talks slow, steady opinions, consistent, reliable, loyal, and when out of balance has can have bouts of sadness and laziness. Illnesses that can develop are diabetes, angina, and gallstones. I thought of Jabba the Hutt to illustrate the heavy and slow qualities of Kapha, but when I watched Star Wars as a kid, I thought Jabba was funny. This clip is not funny. I am totally creeped out and disturbed by it. Eeuw. OK, here’s something a little less disturbing.
*WATER*

Air, Fire, Water. Maybe one of these really feels like you. Or maybe you feel you’re more than one. Here’s two sites with a quiz to find your dosha:
http://doshaquiz.chopra.com/
http://www.whatsyourdosha.com/

I took the Chopra test and it came back as Pitta mind, Kapha body. Excuse me while I go vegetate on the couch with 6 boxes of Twinkies and criticize my dog for whatever stupid thing he’s doing. I think my results are somewhat accurate – I am definitely a Pitta mind because I’m driven, sharp, critical and I’m easily irritated. The body test shows Kapha because I’ve been congested and unmotivated while fighting off colds.

I then took the other online test What’s Your Dosha, Baby? Those results came back as Pitta also, but my Kapha score was very low here. This girl is on fire! This girl is on fiiiiiire! (A la Alicia Keys) No really, I’m burning up over here. There were different questions asked on this one that I felt were a little more relevant to typical behaviors, rather than my current winter state. And my Vata score ranked much higher on this one. Oh! I’ve gotta get out of here! I’ve gotta get out of here! Really, I’ve got tendencies for all 3 doshas, with the focus on Pitta, so they’re both accurate.

See what you think. Take a quiz. And feel free to post if you think your results were accurate or not.

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