Meet my nemesis. No – even worse, meet my arch-enemy. There he is. Look at ‘im. Seemingly innocuous little bastard. “Oh look at me, I’m garlic, I taste good and I’m good for you!” Yes, what’s good for one person’s body is not necessarily good for someone else’s body.
It’s a love/hate relationship you see. Actually, I love garlic. But garlic hates me. In my dreams I gently caress its paper bulb, whispering sweet nothings, gently cradling it in the crook of my neck. I used to eat garlic all the time. Like, nonstop. Raw. I couldn’t get enough. I would eat raw slices on a buttered cracker. The cracker being merely a vehicle for shoveling garlic in my face, I found myself slicing the garlic pieces larger and larger each time. I love all things made with heavy-handed garlic: bruschetta, pasta sauce, roasted garlic anything, caprese salad, guacamole, pesto – OH PESTO! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! I believe pesto was invented by GOD as a reward for all of our suffering on earth. I could eat it every day. But alas, the raw garlic in pesto does not love me back.
I have learned that when I eat garlic my skin condition flares up, my face breaks out something wicked, and I become prone to angry outbursts. Wait – I misspoke. I’m a yoga teacher so actually I never have angry outbursts. Ever. It’s a friend of mine who has angry outbursts. She had this son who’s not a morning person just like her and she has difficulty getting out the door and getting to work on time. She sometimes has angry outbursts. So I hear.
Anyhow, I found a pesto recipe in The Ayurvedic Vegan Kitchen cookbook by Talya Lutzker that doesn’t have any garlic in it. Could it be true? Will it be good? Let’s find out! Here’s the recipe:
Amazing Pesto Chutney
1/2 c. raw tahini or almond butter
1/2 c. toasted sea palm or raw, wild nori
Juice of 1 lemon
1 c. olive oil, plus more as needed
1 bunch cilantro, chopped
1 bunch dill weed, chopped
1 bulb fennel, chopped
2 t ground cumin
1 t ground coriander
1 t salt
1/2 t ground pepper (omit for pitta)
Put the tahini, sea palm, lemon juice, and 1/2 c of olive oil in food processor or blender. Process for 5 to 10 seconds. Add half each of the cilantro, dill, and fennel. Process for another 20 seconds. Add remaining 1/2 c of olive oil, remaining cilantro, dill, fennel, cumin, coriander, salt, and pepper. Process for another 2 minutes, or until smooth and creamy, stopping occasionally to scrape down the work bowl or blender jar. If the pesto is too thick, add another 1 to 2 tablespoons of olive oil and process again.
It’s delish! It’s fantastic! I love it! Sans garlic and all! It looks like it made about 2-3 cups, so like 1 serving. (Kidding.) (Not really.) It’s cooling and soothing. As in the opposite of doing shots of cheap whiskey and feeling it burn all the way down. My insides feel more like when you climb into bed between cool sheets. Aaaaaah.
I’m outta here…